1. Galataport? More Like Galat-a-trap, Darling
Oh, Galataport. It’s all shiny boats and Instagrammable sunsets… until you see the prices. Think £10 for a limp kebab and a side of regret. Cruise ships dock here, but run the other way. Your wallet—and taste buds—will thank you.

2. Silence is a Myth (Earplugs = Survival Kit)
Istanbul doesn’t do “quiet.” Between honking dolmuş drivers, street vendors yelling “ÇAY!”, and 4 a.m. mosque calls, it’s a symphony of chaos. Light sleeper? Earplugs. Trust me.

3. Cobblestones Are Out for Blood
Those quaint, winding streets? They’re a death trap in flip-flops. Pack trainers with grip. Hills here rival San Francisco’s, but with added “will this stone launch me into the Bosphorus?” drama.

4. Public Transport? Istanbulkart is Your New BFF
Forget taxis—this city’s metro, trams, and ferries are chef’s kiss. Grab an Istanbulkart (₺30, roughly £0.70). Load it up, tap away, and sail across continents (Asia to Europe, baby) for pennies.

5. Boat Tours? Nah, Be a Ferry Snob
“Luxury” Bosphorus tours cost 1.5 Dollar . Or… hop on a public ferry (₺50,). Same views, same water, same I’m-a-local vibes. Pro tip: Sunset ferry + simit (sesame bread) = pure magic.

6. Google Maps Offline = Lifesaver
Istanbul’s Wi-Fi is as reliable as a cat’s loyalty. Download offline maps before you get lost in a maze of spice bazaars. Bonus: Grab an eSIM (Airalo’s my go-to). Data without the drama.

7. Birds Here Have Aim
The city’s famous street cats? Adorable. The pigeons? Menaces. They’re the size of small dogs and drop “gifts” like it’s confetti. Pack wet wipes. And maybe an umbrella.

8. Tea > Coffee (Fight Me)
Turkish coffee’s gritty, strong, and… an acquired taste. But the tea? Çay in tulip glasses is life. Sipped everywhere—on ferries, in shops, mid-haggle. Embrace the caffeine culture.

9. “Merhaba” > “Hello”
English? Sporadic. Learn merhaba (hello), teşekkürler (thanks), and fiyat nedir? (how much?). Turks love when you try. Plus, miming works—charades is universal, right?

10. Where to Stay? Moda, Not Taksim
Taksim Square’s like Times Hill on steroids—noisy, touristy, meh. For proper vibes:

  • Karaköy: Artsy, near the action, great baklava.
  • Fatih: Mosques galore, but pack comfy socks (mosque floors = sweaty feet central).
  • Moda (Asian side): Hipster heaven. Cafés, bookshops, and zero tour groups. Perfection.

BONUS: Mosques close for prayer—go early (9:30 am) to dodge crowds. And yes, you will get lost. Embrace it. Istanbul’s chaos is its charm. Now, go eat all the börek.